Heading Out the Door

http://blog.rememberedvoices.com/blog/post/Heading-Out-the-Door.aspx

Everyone who follows this blog, I ask for your prayers.  There are so many out there who deal with so much more than I do on a daily basis, and this makes it hard for me to ask for help.

That being said, my life is not 'normal'.   My worries are certainly about my husband possibly being deployed or furlowed from the military, my kids getting sick, my pets getting older and my house and finances being in order.  My biggest worry, and the one that I try to fake being okay with is my health.  I am healthy.  Other than this disease that hangs over me every second of every day.  I would not have to think about my kidneys or my blood pressure, or my liver enzymes if I didn't have to go to the hospital once a week for drugs and take drugs every 5 hours (not including supplements) while I am awake. 

I wouldn't have to make sure that there is always mestinon in a bottle that my kids can open and place under my tongue if I can't breathe.  And I wouldn't always have to be sure that there is red wine on hand to help me in a crisis.  Yes.  That is my reality.  Red wine, mestinon, the hospital and a normal life.  What the heck does that mean? 

Tonight it means that my kids know that I love them and that I put them to bed. It means that I am going back for more drugs tomorrow that might make me feel a bit crazy, but will hopefully make me not have to think about revisiting chemo for a fourth time. 

I will always keep fighting.  16+ years.  Good days and bad days.   I will win this fight.  You just watch me.