I want to go to the grocery store

On Tuesday, the kids and I went up to my parent's house in Wolfeboro for a sleepover. It was so much fun to be able to go up for the day/night rather than plan for at least a week like we did when they lived in PA. I cried on the way up because I am so happy that they are so close now. Yesterday while we were there, Thomas spiked another high fever. This is the third time in 5 weeks that this has happened, so I have a call into the pediatrician.

The plan for the day was for a morning playdate, and then a trip to the hospital for me for my weekly bloodwork. Obviously the I couldn't bring poor Thomas to the oncology unit, since so many people are immunosuppressed. So I was able to change the appointment to first thing in the morning because they had a cancellation (wasn't that lucky?) and my wonderful husband was able to re-arrange his schedule to stay home in the morning. So I am thinking that I will go to the hospital and then do a quick run at the grocery store while I am flying solo.

Well, my counts put a big stop to that. At the moment, my WBC count is only 1.3 and I am extremely neutropenic.

From Wikipedia: Neutropenia (adjective neutropenic), from Latin prefix neutro- and Greek suffix -πενία (deficiency) is a hematological disorder characterized by an abnormally low number of neutrophil granulocytes (a type of white blood cell). Neutrophils usually make up 50-70% of circulating white blood cells and serve as the primary defense against infections by destroying bacteria in the blood. Hence, patients with neutropenia are more susceptible to bacterial infections and without prompt medical attention, the condition may become life-threatening (neutropenic sepsis).

So I won't be going anywhere until the counts start coming back up. This is the way that I should be responding to the chemo, so it is good news. It is like a roller coaster. I get the chemo and then the counts come down (hopefully no lower than they are now) and then they start to come back up and we hit them again with the chemo. Doing this is what should eventually "trick" my body into an infant state and allow it to rebuild without the antibodies that attack my muscles (the Myasthenia).

As I was leaving the hospital, I grabbed a mask, still intent on heading to the grocery store. I mean hey, it was only 9 am and it would probably be empty. I could wear the mask, wipe the cart with anti-bacterial wipes and scrub myself with hand sanitizer after I left. Upon reflection, I decided against the store! lol. Can't you just hear it? "Kids, Mommy is in ICU because she really wanted to get creamer for Daddy's coffee and fruit snacks for you guys." It just didn't seem to be the right path to follow :) Instead, I will head home to my known entity of a sick little boy. Since I have already been exposed to whatever it is that he has, I am not going to worry about hugging my baby boy. The mask will go to good use for cuddle time today.

Still, I really wanted to go to the grocery store. I am sure once this is over I will be right back to, "darn, I hate going to the grocery store!". Won't that be wonderful? For now Jason will have the honor of buying raw chicken.