It made me sad

It was a rough weekend. Everything made me feel short of breath. On Sunday I decided that I was going to call the second the infusion center opened on Monday morning to get in there for another IVIg. I had one on Wednesday and one of Friday of last week, but I was really still feeling lousy. And a little frightened. And mad. Definitely mad.

I woke up on Monday at about 5 and I was slurring the minute I started to talk. Forget about walking and talking at the same time. It made me feel like I was going to pass out. As long as I was quiet and sitting, I was pretty much okay. Try not walking or talking when you have a toddler and a pre-schooler. lol. "Mom, can I have some milk?" ... "Mama, Thomas is being mean to me" ... "Mommy, please carry me down the stairs"... "Mamaaaaa, we NEED you!!!". It is good to be needed, and loved so much. It is tiring, though!


It was a good move to get an extra IVIg, and Dr. Logan, my local neurologist called for a CBC. On my way to the hospital I was thinking, wait, maybe this is my blood, not the MG. It really felt like the MG, though. Sometimes it is hard to tell. Then I was thinking maybe I had something else going on. We tend to forget that I can get normal stuff, like allergies or colds just like everyone else. And lets face it folks, it has been one long, cold, snowy winter. We have actually done pretty darn well in the average sickness category- again kind of a matter of perspective, isn't it?

Thankfully I started to turn around about half way through the IVIg. It was really pretty amazing. One minute I was all concerned about what I was going to do about the kids that night if I had to stay at the hospital and the next I felt much lighter, and breathing was easier. My blood work came back, and again I am anemic, but not so bad that I need another transfusion. I will have another blood draw on Friday. Jason had to fly that night, and I managed just fine with the two kids on my own. It felt good.

Thomas had been at our friend, Ellen, and Katherine was picked up from school by Geri, my sister in law. All in all a last minute treatment was handled pretty well. When Jeff, my brother in law, brought Katherine home, I went to give him a hug. He pulled back- and he was right. I shouldn't be hugging anyone, particularly someone who has been sick at all (which is everyone during this time of year). I am still learning how to keep myself healthy and strong while we are pumping my body full of these toxins. It still made me sad, though. And now Thomas is sick with a fever and I am washing my hands so often I feel like the skin is going to fall off and trying to hold him enough that he feels better but doesn't make me sick. I am sad that we have to do all this. Sad that my family has to be so effected. Happier beyond happy that this is all going to end one day. This is a necessary journey. I am not sure that we have learned all we can from it yet, but we are getting there.